Put Your Personal Demons on ICE!

"We Choose Not to Cooperate with Your Stupid Christmas Photo!" by Melissa Klein
Models: Hawthorne, April, Captain & Willbe
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PUT YOUR PERSONAL DEMONS
ON ICE! 
By Melissa Klein

As the holidays approach, I find myself in that  “love-hate” mode about them: love seeing relatives and friends, hate feeling obligated to do things that feel incongruent to my values. And of course, there are always the complications of dealing with some difficult family members or difficult moments around self-worth.

Here’s a method that I’ve devised to deal with some of those situations. I call it “ICER” and I like to think of the iciness of it as an antidote for the hot, angry feeling that happens around triggers. 

"ICER"

ID
Choice
Escape
Re-engage

ID

Identify the triggers; OK - you know who and what the main ones are: “that relative” or “that co-worker” or “the _______ (job, health, spouse etc.) situation” but what about the more subtle ones? 

How about the fact that you only got a few hours of sleep the night before? That is a trigger. 

What about booze? How well do you hold it? I enjoy booze, but it doesn’t take much to make me silly. Um… maybe half a glass is better than two glasses in some situations… That could be a trigger as well.

Same with eating - I had a couple of bites of cake at a staff potluck lunch, and suddenly I couldn’t think straight. I’m not really used to eating that much sugar, especially at that time of day. And then I had to teach… and then something went kinda sideways with a student… you get the picture. It wasn’t completely horrible, but I can’t help but wonder if I couldn’t have handled things better without that cake. It wasn’t really worth it. 

Triggers are not only situations and people, but they can be also things that you can control - sleep, eating and thoughts.

"April Pigs Out for the Holidays" by Melissa Klein
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Choice

Watch your thoughts; do they tend towards the negative? “That person is going to make me feel stupid….” Is it 100% true that it will happen? Probably not. 

Can you find a choice in how you look at it? “That person has talked down to me in the past. They may or may not behave that way this time. It’s really their problem - I don’t have to make it mine.” The choice is yours in how you take it. 

Or this is a mantra I made up: “I can’t control what others think, say or doo-doo! That’s their poop!”

And while you can’t control what others do (or doo-doo) - you always have a choice somewhere. It can be as small a choice as “I can choose to ask to reschedule this…” larger, “I have a choice to either keep this engagement or to cancel it,” or big “I can choose to go to Africa and celebrate Kwanza instead!” 

Reframe it in a way that acknowledges your choice. And while it’s a choice that you may or may not regret, it’s yours! Own it.

"Captain & Willbe at Xmas" by Melissa Klein
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Escape

Even if no-one else notices that something is getting to you, you feel it…. There’s always the bathroom. I know that this feels really silly, but there’s ALWAYS THE BATHROOM! And you have the perfect, socially acceptable reason to go and take a few minutes to be in your own private hideaway. So what if it seems like your bladder is out of whack? It’s unlikely that anyone will notice, and so what if they do?

Here’s another one; keep your dog in the car and go out periodically to check on him, it will do both of you good. Borrow the neighbor’s dog if you have to, perhaps they need someone to babysit the dog while they are away?

Set an alarm on your phone - and say that it’s a call you have to take. Step outside to take that VIP call.

Or - deep breath, say that you just need a minute.

"Willbe Hood Ornament" by Melissa Klein
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Re-Engage

In that escape mode, ask yourself “What is the best outcome for this situation? What do I really want out of what is going on here?”

• It may be that you want to enjoy the company of the loved ones despite something uncomfortable.
• It may be that you want to be alone.
• It may be that you need to set a boundary for “that person.”

So… What are you going to do about it? Confront them? Stay? Leave? Decide to go along with it to keep the peace? All are valid choices depending on the situation.

Find your best, most positive outcome. And re-engage with the situation from that higher ground.

Here are some sample scripts:

• I am choosing to stay for the festivities, but I don’t feel comfortable with ___________. I will ignore their behavior as best as possible so that I can enjoy seeing the rest of my family.
• I need to be alone so I will say my goodbyes and honor that need without guilt, shame or blame.
• I need to be clear about what I am willing to do to contribute - I am willing to help with ___________, but not with ___________. Or I have a limited budget, so I will not be able to purchase anything over  _____$.
• This may make _______ angry, but how he/she know if I don’t say anything? (repeat the mantra - “I can’t control what others think, say or doo-doo! That’s their poop!”)

"Every Stupid Holiday" by Melissa Klein
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Communicate from the perspective of humor and kindness - this will probably be more funny than tragic in a year or less. Take it from that perspective. Remember the things that got you steamed in high school? That are now just funny? What if you could have approached it from the perspective of ten years or more later? Totally different - right? 

And realize that as triggered as you might feel, there are probably others who are just as triggered you are or more. Compassion is the root of kindness.

May the ICER be with you!

And….. Happy Holidays!

-Melissa

If this article interested you and you want to explore this more in-depth, I will be offering a workshop about confronting and overcoming your Personal Demons. It will be a combination of entertaining storytelling, art history, discussion and right-brain art exercises. 

What are Right-Brain Exercises?
A picture is worth a thousand words and helps to galvanize your emotional forces to create positive change. Many times we become inundated with a tidal-wave of words or become demotivated by all of the “shoulds” in life - which make it hard to see things clearly. 

Right-brain exercises are a playful use of visualization techniques to see concepts in a new light. Using simple materials like ink, paper, sand, collage, and doodling - you will be able to engage your visual side and have it communicate with you in a way that is outside of words and creates a clear picture of issue and new possibilities. 

It’s not about creating art, its about using art to create a new perspective. — Melissa Klein

The Happy Factor
People get really happy when they are given permission to play like children before they knew if something is “good” or “bad” — they can’t fail. Remember the joy of mud pies before they were “dirty”? Accessing problems from a positive and humorous perspective is more motivating to create change.

Journal of Journey
Your Journal is included in the workshop and is something that you will take away with you as a physical reminder - and to add onto as you gain new insights. This is about creating lasting change and keeping inspired.

Personal Demons

Sunday, December 15 

10am-1pm 

BODHI CENTER

6717 Marshall Road

Bainbridge Island, WA 98110

bainbridgebodhicenter.com

Space is limited - reserve your place!  Tuition: $80 per workshop

Please call me at 360.809.0083 or email me at me.lissa@melissaklein.com to reserve your place. 

It's the Holidays! Welcome Your Personal Demons!

It's the Holidays! Welcome Your Personal Demons!

by Melissa Klein

 Buddha Remembers His Past Lives by Melissa Klein

“Attachment is the root of suffering.”  - Buddha

Holidays as a trigger-time

When I was planning the Personal Mythology series of workshops for the Fall/Winter, and thinking of a logical order of topics I realized that the Personal Demon workshop would be falling right before the Christmas/Hanukkah season. I thought…. “Well, doesn’t that just make perfect sense!” 

Holidays tend to bring out so many personal demons - I think because they become a condensed metaphor for life. We play out our family dramas at the holiday table. Things that were thought to be over, done with and that we had grown out of come to light around the swirl of parties and celebrations. Gifts become grounds for competition, manipulation and obligation rather than tokens of affection. And… if you aren’t a part of that “picture perfect” American Dream, it can be an isolating time. Many people have recently experienced such huge financial hardships: loss of “secure” careers and homes. Being gay. Being divorced. Being single. Being disabled. Being either too young or too old to be taken seriously; all of these things point to being on the outside.

"All great changes are preceded by chaos." -Deepak Chopra

Dare Disturb the Universe by Melissa Klein

Not Measuring Up Demon

My own relationship with the holidays has been conflicted since the age of 9. I loved the lights, the tree and the cool holiday crafts that I got to do at our church. I also loved Hanukkah, (which I still really enjoy) celebrated by our Jewish friends in Saint Louis. My younger sister relentlessly counting presents and noting that she was ahead - not so much. Even though my mom tried to control that damage by explaining that things cost different amounts and that really we got the same… to a nine year old, it translated into not measuring up. 

Being picture perfect and hating it

When my family lived in Philadelphia, a large part of my dad’s job involved publicity and fundraising; he was the director of the Morris Arboretum. We lived in a beautiful Victorian house that was provided for the director by the arboretum. Because Christmas was a major part of the fundraising season, our house was used to entertain important donors. Professional florists came in and decorated our house. It all had to be “authentic” Victorian (or at least as close as we could get to it in the 1980s!). 

No more tinsel, and most of the beloved decorations that we made in church were not considered “good” enough to be displayed in this new environment and so were either thrown away or packed up. OK - I admit the decorations made out of a salty dough recipe that were supposed to keep forever but went moldy definitely had to go, but not the toilet paper roll and pipe cleaner horse!

One year, Philadelphia Magazine asked to photograph us as a featured family in their holiday special. We dressed up in these totally dorky dresses and had to simulate decorating the tree, pretending to put on the same ornament over and over so that the photographer could get the right shot. I hated it. When I saw the photo in the magazine, I wondered if this is what it looks like from the outside? When you are inside, it feels completely different.

Maybe it's easier to like someone else's life, and live vicariously through them than take some responsibility to change our lives into lives we might like. -- Tish Grier

The Have-nots Demon

Fast forward to young adulthood and feeling the internal pressure of not measuring up. Being single surrounded by marrieds and wondering if I would ever have a holiday that wasn’t fraught with anxiety about a relationship that was going nowhere or processing another breakup. Being a struggling artist working shit jobs when others had professional careers. Seeing ads and gift suggestion articles in magazines for items for my loved ones and realizing that any one of those items cost more than my entire budget for the holidays.

The most important thing is to be whatever you are without shame. — Rod Steiger

Calling in the Animus by Melissa Klein

The Grinch Converted

A few years ago, my husband and I decided to opt out of the holidays that year and go to Victoria, BC. We carefully informed both sides of the family. And you know what? None of my family members cared about the presents! Some of them gave token gifts, some not and some did their usual thing. They completely supported our decision that year - and there was no push back, guilt, or weirdness in anyway - ever. They cared about us not the stuff.

The A-Hah and Oh-Duh

All of those years that I had been feeling weird about the holidays and not measuring up, was all internal. I was letting myself be controlled by a false belief about prosperity and career status. It was all inside. I had created a perfect cocktail for unhappiness and a perfect place for my Personal Demon to live. 

Humans are a tribal society - we are hard-wired to conform. That’s a large part of how we have survived and thrived as a species. We are not comfortable being outside of the herd. Some hardy souls have a greater tolerance for being on the outside, and some of those become great leaders. But most people like to be on the inside, where it seems safe.

The pressure to conform is always present, but it’s really up to me to decide what to do with it. While there are always those people who will look down on you for almost any reason, they are not the ones who are on your side. Maybe they never will be.

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. — Eleanor Roosevelt

The Grain of Truth in the Lie Demon

Why did those false beliefs fall on such fertile ground to be internalized? While there are all kinds of reasons that could be pointed to - from family history, birth order, a competitive environment, marketing, consumer society, etc. I believe that at the heart of it, for whatever reason, was a feeling of inadequacy. That was the grain of truth that made the lie seem believable.

Look in the mirror. The face that pins you with its double gaze reveals a chastening secret. — Diane Ackerman

Embracing the Truth 

The truth of feeling inadequate made me buy into the lie of having more and that others were measuring and/or judging me. But it wasn’t the real truth - which is that my real friends and family will love me regardless of my success or failure. Ironically, in my family I’m seen as someone who is able to give great gifts - and I’m often approached for advice about what to buy for others. Of course, being an artist, I sometimes produce a piece that I just know is “_______’s” from the minute the inspiration hits.

What I am is good enough if I would only be it openly. — Carl Rogers

Red Riding Hood Talks to Her Animus by Melissa Klein

Make Peace with Your Demon

Talk to it. Call it out. Call it out by name. Let it know that you know it’s not true. Reassure it. Because at the heart of that feeling of inadequacy is a desire to self-protect. It just became distorted in that desire to be helpful. Forgive it, but don’t let it off the hook. 

And….. Happy Holidays!

-Melissa

If this article interested you and you want to explore this more in-depth, I will be offering a workshop about confronting and overcoming your Personal Demons. It will be a combination of entertaining storytelling, art history, discussion and right-brain art exercises. 

What are Right-Brain Exercises?

A picture is worth a thousand words and helps to galvanize your emotional forces to create positive change. Many times we become inundated with a tidal-wave of words or become demotivated by all of the “shoulds” in life - which make it hard to see things clearly. 

Right-brain exercises are a playful use of visualization techniques to see concepts in a new light. Using simple materials like ink, paper, sand, collage, and doodling - you will be able to engage your visual side and have it communicate with you in a way that is outside of words and creates a clear picture of issue and new possibilities. 

It’s not about creating art, its about using art to create a new perspective. — Melissa Klein

The Happy Factor

People get really happy when they are given permission to play like children before they knew if something is “good” or “bad” — they can’t fail. Remember the joy of mud pies before they were “dirty”? Accessing problems from a positive and humorous perspective is more motivating to create change.

Journal of Journey

Your Journal is included in the workshop and is something that you will take away with you as a physical reminder - and to add onto as you gain new insights. This is about creating lasting change and keeping inspired.

Personal Demons

Sunday, December 15 

10am-1pm 

BODHI CENTER

6717 Marshall Road

Bainbridge Island, WA 98110

bainbridgebodhicenter.com

Space is limited - reserve your place!  Tuition: $80 per workshop

Please call me at 360.809.0083 or email me at me.lissa@melissaklein.com to reserve your place. 

Your Inner Hero & Outer Warrior - Surprising Secrets from the Golden Goose

YOUR INNER HERO & OUTER WARRIOR -
SURPRISING SECRETS FROM THE GOLDEN GOOSE

In mythology, the Hero or Warrior fights two battles - the inner battle against personal demons and the exterior battle to accomplish a great task. 

Grimm's fairy tale - “The Golden Goose” shows many of the archetypal patterns of the Hero’s journey.

In "The Golden Goose," two of three brothers are sent out to chop wood, given plenty of cake and wine for their lunch. Each is greedy and refuses to share with a mysterious little man they meet on the road. Because of their greed each brother suffers an injury and cannot work leaving the youngest son to provide wood for the family. This son is called “Simpleton” by his family, and even though he has been given only poor food and little of it, unlike his brothers he shares with the strange little man, generosity winning out over greed in the inner battle - and it becomes fine wine and cake. 

Directed by the little man to chop down a specific tree, Simpleton finds the golden goose who lays golden eggs. When greedy villagers learn of the goose they try to steal a golden feather but instead become stuck to the goose and are forced to trail behind him. 

This creates such a spectacle that Simpleton is presented to the king’s daughter who never smiles -  whom the king has promised to the man who can make her laugh. She bursts out laughing at the sight, but the king decides that he doesn’t want a son-in-law named “Simpleton” so he sets three impossible tasks for him to accomplish. Each time the funny little man helps him easily win his exterior battle, the king relents and Simpleton wins the princess’ hand and eventually the kingdom.




Anyone can become a hero, especially those who don’t have special advantages.

Many fairy tales involve an unlikely hero - often a youngest child, or a step-child (think Cinderella). They are ridiculed by the very people who owe them the most. Often they are abused and mocked by family members and are relentlessly given the message they are "less than" their peers.



Powerful friends and allies can be found in very unlikely places.

The strange little man who greets the brothers in the path - the stranger who is different, small, and seems helpless, proves to be extremely powerful. He is able to inflict harm when slighted causing both of the older brothers to injure themselves almost mortally. When shown kindness, he can be an amazing benefactor.



Cultivate kindness, compassion and good humor

Archetypal Heroes show the personal qualities of kindness, compassion, a sense of humor and remain good-natured even in hard circumstances. Simpleton is good-natured in the face of being called a demeaning name, kind to the strange man in sharing his food and because he is able to have a a sense of humor about himself he is able to win the princess by making her laugh. While I am not advocating putting up with abusive situation, the main point in these tales is that by cultivating these qualities, they will serve you well in hard times.




Perseverance pays

Even though Simpleton had won the princess’ hand fair and square, the king wanted to cheat him of his just reward. This happens. Instead of throwing a temper tantrum, hiring a lawyer and suing the king for all he was worth, Simpleton accepts the challenges. There is an element of him being willing to accept that he needs to prove his worth. He could have wasted time protesting the unfairness of it all - or he could go about solving the problem. Eventually, the king had no ground to stand on and Simpleton won not only the princess and the kingdom, but also the reward of a ship that could sail on land and sea (one of the tasks).



Challenge authority and the status quo

Even though the king claimed that he wanted his daughter to to be happy, so much he was willing to give her up to anyone who could make her laugh, he didn’t really mean that when it came about by someone who did not meet with his approval; a Simpleton. Part of why the princess was so solemn might have had to do with her awareness of the hopelessness of her situation? Many times those in authority say they want change, but they don’t really mean it. It rocks the boat and challenges the comfortable (for them) status quo. They will find ways to break agreements. Hold them to it. Keep coming back until there are no more excuses.

If this article interested you and you want to explore this more in-depth, I will be offering a workshop that is cultivating your inner hero and outer warrior. It will be a combination of entertaining storytelling, art history, discussion and right-brain art exercises. What are “Right Brain exercises?” A combination of playful materials like ink, paper, sand, collage, doodling and problem-solving games in a high quality journal to keep you connected to the ideas after the workshop. These engage your visual side in a way that is beyond words to gain a clear understanding of your questions, to see challenges in a new perspective and overcome inner obstacles. 

Please call me at 360.809.0083 or email me at me.lissa@melissaklein.com to reserve your place. 
Best Wishes,

-Melissa




PS - Please forward this to any interested friends - I'd really appreciate the help in getting the word out!


This program is generously hosted by the Bodhi Center.  For more information, contact Melissa Klein, at 360.809.0083 or me.lissa@melissaklein.com or go towww.melissaklein.com 

 

The Bodhi Center is located at 6717 Marshall Road,
Bainbridge Island, WA 98110. An additional workshop in series will occur on Sunday, December 15 (Personal Demons) both from 10am to 1pm. Tuition is $80 per workshop, or $130 for two workshops (a $30 discount). You can choose to attend any combination of workshops. Space is limited, so call or email to reserve your spot and "Journal of Journey" that accompanies the workshop.

 

Certainty of Death. Small chance of success…. What are we waiting for? -Gimli, Lord of the Rings & Personal Mythology

"CERTAINTY OF DEATH. SMALL CHANCE OF SUCCESS... WHAT ARE WE WAITING FOR?"  -Gimli, Lord of the Rings

I've been thinking about how people are "triggered" and how to overcome those triggers. A trigger can be defined as anything which causes someone to either over-react or under-react because of a past experience or trauma that reminds them of something or someone with which they had a unpleasant encounter. 

For example, when an older man asks me to do secretarial things for them like make copies, get coffee, phone calls that they could make themselves - then I feel triggered. Why? Because in my first years out of college, I worked as a secretary in an advertising agency. My boss was very good, but there was this older guy who kept trying to co-opt me into being his secretary. He was a freelancer, but he felt like I should do all of this stuff for him that was his job. And that I should also be sexually available for him as well! 

I was scrambling to keep up with a very heavy workload and working 80 hours a week. I resented him, his 3 hour lunches and the fact that he probably made several times the amount I did… "Can you get me a cup of coffee, hon?" Just watch the steam come out of my ears. 

Now sometimes, there is nothing unreasonable about a request "Can you call X and make an introduction for me?" - and it has nothing to do with the current situation. What is real. Now.

But when triggered, it's basically fight or flight. Lash out with a "No! You loser, I won't do that!" or stuff it, shut up and do it, seething with resentment or find ways to avoid it "forgetting" to make the call that was agreed on at the meeting. None of these things are healthy responses - and none of them deal with the reality of NOW. 

It's all about resiliency. Letting go of past experiences, gaining wisdom and then using that knowledge to deal with the present without getting bogged down in the baggage. How to overcome obstacles in a way that is beyond empty affirmation "If I just wish for a million dollars hard enough, then it will happen! If I don't get the money, then I just need to wish harder! And it will come to me! I'm not going to do anything beyond wishing!"

Tolkien wrote "Lord of the Rings" to give the English people a modern mythology or rather a mythology. England didn't have a mythology. She had been wracked by two world wars, and had lost most of two generations of young men. People felt hopeless. He identified a new villain - the one of mechanization and mass production that harmed the environment. A faceless wizard that was only a great eye watching everything. 

While Lord of the Rings is a fantasy, every time that I see it, what's striking is how relevant it is to modern times. Take away the window dressing of elves, dwarfs, sword fighting, medieval armor, magic etc. and the parallels are striking. Leaders who are corrupted. Heroes who have lost their direction. Fighting between factions when they should be joining forces against a common enemy. Plans that go awry. Companies that destroy the environment and faceless corporations who use the government politicians as pawns. During these times of political fighting and government shut down, we are embroiled in conflicts while on the brink of major environmental disaster which is already creating severe climate changes. Our land and water are polluted. That's the real threat.

While there are these realities to contend with, Tolkien also offers hope. The bonds between friends and family. Holding onto what is most dear in life - those we love. The simple pleasures of good food and drink. Every contribution is valuable, even by the very small and seemingly unimportant. And that it's possible to overcome great odds.  

Most of all, not giving up. When Gimli utters the words "Certainty of Death. Small chance of success…. What are we waiting for?"  While he's acknowledging the reality of what they are facing by going to the gates of Mordor, he still has hope. In spite of the odds, Gimli is resilient. "This Emotional Life" by PBS defines resilience as "...the capacity to adapt successfully in the face of threats or disaster. People can improve their capacity for resilience at any time of life." 

Even naturally resilient folk such as hobbits can be overwhelmed as Frodo was by the burden of the ring. How do they get through? Friends and community, or in Frodo's case: Sam.

How to cultivate resilience?

Emmy Werner, who started a land-breaking longitudinal study on of all of the children born on Kauai in 1955 studies resiliency and protective factors. Their lives are followed to this to this day. Some children were born with high-risk factors - poverty, birth trauma, learning disabilities, divorce etc and yet, one out of three, lead happy and productive lives... She identifies a set of protective factors that helped children who were born into adverse conditions not only survive, but thrive. These fall into three basic categories: personal qualities, protective factors in the family and in the community. Personal qualities include a curiosity about learning, achievement and the ability to reach out to others and bond. Protective factors within the family is having an extended network of people to "recruit" surrogate parents such as grandparents, aunts, uncles etc. And in the community it also meant that the child had the ability to reach out for support from neighbors, teachers and elders who are available. This study has been replicated in other countries with similar findings.

These are all things that we can do at any age. 

The main point in the Lord of the Rings is that we need everyone to help. No matter how small and insignificant as a hobbit may seem, it was Frodo's contribution that made the difference. But he could not have done it without Sam. And they could not have done it without Aragorn. Who could not have done it without Gimli. Who could not have done it without Legolas (although Gimli would be reluctant to admit it).

Resiliency is the opposite of triggered. Resilience is the being a part of a community and having support to do what is best. Resilience is the difference between overcoming seemingly insurmountable odds and giving up. The steward of Gondor gives up and look what happens to him - nearly burning his son alive and then jumping, burning off the cliff of the city. The message is clear. 

And they call Lord of the Rings, fantasy...

To explore your modern personal mythology, please join me at the Bodhi Center next week. I will be offering a series of workshops at the Bodhi Center.  Are you living the story you want to be?

• Connect to your personal symbols and discover their power. Tap into the myths that align you with your purpose.
• Discover practical tools that can be used as a daily source of inspiration to keep you aligned to your motivation, passion, talent and creative dreams.

Through a combination of entertaining storytelling, images, discussion, and hands-on right-brain activities, you will be guided through exercises that will help you gain new insight into your story and personal mythology.  Create your own "Journal of Journey" using ink, crow-quill pen, collage and multi-media techniques in a supportive environment. All materials supplied, including a gift "Journal of Journey" and light refreshments to pamper you on your adventure!  

Contact me to confirm a reservation: me.lissa@melissaklein.com or 360.809.0083

Best Wishes,

-Melissa



PS - I'm not triggered anymore by requests for coffee

PPS - Please forward this to any interested friends - it's a great way to strengthen connections and/or to create new friends


This program is generously hosted by the Bodhi Center.  For more information, contact Melissa Klein, at 360.809.0083 or me.lissa@melissaklein.com or go to www.melissaklein.com 

The Bodhi Center is located at 6717 Marshall Road,
Bainbridge Island, WA 98110. Additional workshops in series will occur on Sunday, November 17 (Inner Hero) and Sunday, December 15 (Personal Demons) both from 10am to 1pm. Tuition is $80 per workshop, or $200 for all three workshops together (a $40 discount). You can choose to attend any combination of workshops, but it's best to attend all three to get the most benefit. Space is limited, so call or email to reserve your spot and "Journal of Journey" that accompanies the workshop.

Subtle shifts, Radical Changes

SCROLL DOWN FOR ARTICLE

 SUBTLE SHIFTS, RADICAL CHANGES

by Melissa Klein

I decided to take a mentoring client out on a walk with Hawthorne, my giant "baby" draft horse along the Olympic Trail. There is a point where the horse trail splits off from the main track. The main track is lovely: paved, straight, easy and goes over the beautiful Railroad Bridge. From up above, you can see shadows of fish going up the river. 

The horse trail is a small dirt trail that splits off of the main trail. It's unmarked. It's easy to miss. It involves walking through a tunnel of high grass and over small streams. Theres a bit of bush whacking - and some branches of deer trails that go nowhere. It goes under the bridge. Down to the river to where the salmon spawn. You can be so close as to touch them and identify them as individuals. The river can be crossed in knee boots. You can see salmon eggs, salmon spawning and dead salmon in the same 10 foot stretch of river.

It's a much more interesting path - and connects to the poetry of the salmon song as they fight their way up the river and complete their life cycle.  

It's only a one degree difference on the trail. 

My client was delighted - she breamed at the wonder of it all. Afterwards we talked about what that meant - how a subtle shift can lead to a radically different departure. In charting a course for ships - 1 degree can make the difference between reaching the correct destination and winding up in a far-flung port. 

Floatiing Boat by Melissa Klein

So many times in making changes in life - there is an urge to make a 90 degree or 180 degree turn. While that's sometimes necessary (I've done that for both better and worse), some of the most radical changes can be made by making a subtle shift in direction. The one small habit or routine that is incorporated into the day or week. A shift in focus. A conscious choice in thinking patterns. Minimizing contact with negative people.



Here are some of the subtle shifts that I've made over the years that added up to radical changes:

1. Choosing to go Complaint Free: The goal was to make it to 21 days without complaining. It was designed by a minister who challenged his congregation to go for 21 days complaint free. It wasn't easy. It took me a year to accomplish. Sometimes, I slip back into old bad habits and have to re-commit. It helped all of my relationships - personal and professional. Conversations are more interesting. If there is an issue that needs to be resolved, even if I'm talking to someone who isn't "complaint free," we are more focused on problem-solving and solution. Here's a resource for more information: http://www.acomplaintfreeworld.org/ 

2. Cutting down on sugar: Wayne Dyer mentioned it as an aside in his audio book "Making the Shift" - he said: "If you want to lose the fat around your middle, cut down on sugar." While it's obvious to not eat things like candy/cake/cookies, sugar is loaded into things like milk, fruit juice, alcohol, potato chips and ketchup. I cut waaaaay back. Looked more critically at what I was putting in my mouth from the sugar perspective. The first 2 to 3 weeks, I was constantly hungry. I filled up on veggies or just acknowledged it for what it was and did something else. Then the cravings eased. I don't know to this day how much weight I Iost (I don't have a scale), but I think it was@ 15 to 20lbs in the last 6 months - especially since I keep hearing "Wow! You lost a lot of weight! What did you do?" Recently I decided to treat myself to a hot chocolate for completing my website. Sorta enjoyed it and then felt sick. I'm in a radically different place than six months ago. 

3. Put stuff in places where they will automatically remind you: Like vitamins. Just saying this as a fact (not complaining!): I. hate. taking. pills! Yet when my doctor identified severe B-12 and iron deficiencies, it was clear that that had to change. At night I would get into bed and then go "Ungh! Forgot to take vitamins!" Zzzzzzzzz. Henry, my husband, suggested moving the vitamins and a carafe of water to my night table - because that's where I remembered to take them. They stare at me. I stare at them. I take them. I have more energy and better health. 

4. Put the change you want to see on paper: When there is something that I want to actualize or a mindset issue to be challenged, I write it down on a either a 3"x5" card or sticky note and stick it up on a board in my office. It focuses the intention. It becomes "real" on the paper and then it becomes "for real" in the physical world. It doesn't often happen in the way I plan or think it "should" but more of these positive intentions have happened than not. It's spooky but it works. 

5. The No Asshole Rule: I read the book "The No Asshole Rule - Building a Civilized Workplace and Surviving One That Isn't" by Robert Sutton because I was dealing with a difficult and negative workplace situation several years ago. I stopped having lunch in the staff room. I closed my door. I got out of unproductive staff meetings. While the ultimate solution was to leave that organization, just by realizing that I could at the very least minimize if not completely avoid contact with negative people was extremely empowering. It's a great policy and has helped to avoid some situations that would have been a complete drain on my time and energy. I'm happy to report that I'm now surrounded by colleagues who are funny, uplifting and supportive. 

These subtle changes also explain why so many people get off track with their lives. It wasn't like they decided to screw up their lives consciously - it was a series of small 1 degree decisions that charted their course to a place where they didn't want to be. It's scary to think about how easy it can be to become disconnected from what we want in life. The good news is that it's still possible to make those small changes which can chart the course to greater possibilities and happiness in life.

One crucial first step making changes is to to take inventory of the different areas of your life and from a variety of "lenses" - (time, symbols, and stories) I developed the "Personal Mythology Guide" as a series of exercises to help people gain perspective from a right-brain perspective. 

The beauty of using is images and symbols and games is that it helps to defuse the "logical" left side of the brain which can interfere with deep truths through imposing memes (false rules) or can be so judgmental and overbearing that all motivation is lost. An example of a false rule would be  "I can't have horses, I am an artist and am too poor!" Guess what - I've had horses for eight years now. An example of the judgmental side is "You are so fat! You have been pigging out and that's what you deserve." Feel the motivation to change habits drain away. Instead by visualizing what I wanted: this shape  ) (   which symbolized a slim waistline, it was easier to make positive decisions without feeling discouraged.

Sign up here to download Your Personal Mythology Guidebook. I strongly encourage you to print it out and write things down - gain inventory, and identify the subtle shifts for radical changes.

Please let me know how if goes - I would love to hear your feedback.

Also - if you want to receive a more personalized and in-depth look at using stories and visualization techniques, I will be giving three workshops at the Bodhi Center in Bainbridge (just a ferry ride from Seattle) on Sunday October 20th; Sunday, November 17 and Sunday, December 15 from 10am to 1pm. Tuition is $80 per workshop, or $200 for all three workshops together (a $40 discount). You can choose to attend any combination of workshops, but it's best to attend all three to get the most benefit. Space is limited, so call or email to reserve your spot and "Journal of Journey" that accompanies the workshop.

Happy trails!

-Melissa

5 Myths About the Skills Center & Register! Best. School Year. Ever.

Ember by Robert Simpson, Skills Center and Port Angeles High School Student

I also included an info sheet that Ron Craig, the director of the North Olympic Peninsula Skills Center and I put together called the "5 Myths About The Skills Center." Scroll down for the article...

REGISTER. BEST. SCHOOL YEAR. EVER!

Here are some fun things that I'm lining up for the school year.

• Special Event planning - the tentative theme for this year is "Steam Punk Halloween"
• Professional Artist studio visits - starting with Jackson Smart - muralist and sign painter
• 2 or more field trips a month - either to view art galleries or to draw/paint outside - including Port Townsend, Sequim, Joyce, Neah Bay etc.
• Mini-mural painting with guidance from Jackson Smart - a professional sign and mural painter.
• Learning Adobe Creative Suite Photoshop Pro version curriculum
• Airbrush Mastery - beyond the basic stencil
• Drawing and painting people
• Light up your panting with light effects
• Your website or your life!
• Putting on your own show at the Skills Center
• Port Angeles Arts Council special event
• Superstar! Promotion and Media outreach

Last year Akamai Art, and the community donated about $2,000 worth of supplies - in addition to Perkins Funds of about $1500 and our annual budget of $1,000 for a total of $4,500 which means that we have materials that are... AWESOME!!!! New digital cameras, airbrushes, and paints - oh my!

All of the students who showed work at our spring 2013 student art show "Spring Loaded" sold work. Some sold more than one piece and others also were commissioned by the pubic to create original works of art. All that marketing that we did paid off - literally! And a shout out to the students from the 2013 Summer School for accomplishing the B.H.A.G. (Big Hairy Audacious Goal) of producing a professional quality comic book in three weeks - 77 pages of wild imagination.

You can register for classes either by stopping by the Skills Center (905 West 9th Street, Port Angeles WA 98363 (360) 565-1533 http://www.nopsc.org/)  and filling out the form, or through your high school counselor. Classes start Tuesday Sept 3rd, but registration is open through Sept 11th. 

Multi-Faced by Josh Watson, Skills Center student

What's great is that no matter what career path you choose - you will know how to communicate what you have to offer in a way that doesn't feel like being an "icky salesman." This can be applied to job interviews and being a leader in the workplace. Best of all - it means learning how to work with people in a way that is fun and builds organizations. Helps you to be the MVP of your company or the CEO of your own empire.

These last few weeks I've been reflecting and putting together new material for the school year. What worked? What didn't work? What could be improved? Should this be scrapped? Should that be added? How does a student know that they are making progress? How do I know? These are all questions that are revisited not only at the beginning, but continuously throughout the school year. It's how you get better. It's how anything is improved.

In education, there's this focus on "Get the paper/project/test done. Get a grade (hopefully a good one) and move on." I remember thinking as a student "Oh, I will be so happy to be done with this American History class. I will never have to deal with it again!" Ummmmmm. Guess what? If you are an American citizen - you are never done with American history. Because you are a part of it in the making."

As a student artist, I would think very differently. "I'm getting more accurate with drawing faces - and that picture of my sister looking serious really looks like her. How can I get a drawing or painting that really captures how she smiles without her looking scary?" I was never done. It was all about getting better. This is how things work in the real world.

Those of you who have taken my classes before know about how I incorporate a "Mindset" piece into the curriculum. Mindset is everything. With it you can accomplish anything. Without it, nothing can be accomplished. While letting go of the freedom of summer is difficult - there is something to embracing the change of seasons, and starting a new school year. 

Lighthouse by Emilee Spoon - Skills Center and Port Angeles High School Student

"People would not be so impressed if they knew how hard I work."

-Michaelangelo

In sports, many people believe great athletes are "just born" or are "naturals." This is not true for most of them. It's the mindset and working towards improving skills that gets them to the high levels of performance. Michael Jordan was cut from his high school varsity team, not recruited by his choice of college and passed over by two teams that could have had him for the draft pick. But he worked harder than his coaches had ever seen an athlete work - and became considered one of the greatest basketball players ever. This is true for art and any other skill or subject. 

Cosmic Relief by Chaz Stephens - Skills Center Student

Here's a video about Michael Jordan and his mindset
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9n0w7F5hGYM

Instead of berating yourself for something that you didn't do well (I suck at __________! or I wish I hadn't done____________.) - can you look at it more from the perspective of where you can grow. (I can improve _____________. Next time, I can try doing ___________________ instead.)

What was something that you did last year that turned out great? Could you do something like it, but even better?

Is there a habit that isn't really working for you any more? Can you let it go or replace it with a better habit?

May you have the BEST. SCHOOL YEAR. EVER!

-Melissa


Melissa Klein
me.lissa@melissaklein.com    360.809.0083    PO Box 2272 Sequim WA 98382

PS - Please help out by passing on the word about the Commercial Art class and other Skills Center classes - let your friends know! Feel free to forward this email or give them my contact info. Many classes have openings, and if there is not enough enrollment, then the class gets cancelled (which would suck). Thanks so much!

5 MYTHS ABOUT THE SKILLS CENTER

Hi Everyone,

As an artist, I deal with myths and how they can reveal great truths. But there are truthful myths and there are false myths. The importance is knowing the difference.

While many of you know me more as a professional artist - I also teach at the North Olympic Peninsula Skills Center in Port Angeles. Last year, I started a Commercial Art program at the Skills Center and over the course of the year I have gotten to know the other instructors in a wide range of fields - from auto collision to culinary to video production. They share a passion for their subjects, the students and a deep knowledge of their industries. Our facilities are state of the art, but in talking to people in the community - it is clear there are a many misconceptions about the Skills Center. 

Many people are frustrated by the education system. I've been frustrated by the education system - both as a student and as a teacher. Ghandi says "Be the change you want to see." For me, the Skills Center is the change I want to see. My only regret is that I didn't have an opportunity to take classes like these, it would have saved so much time, effort, and struggle. 

Ron Craig, our new director, created an information sheet I want to share with you to clear up some of these myths. We want a dialogue with the community about what we offer. 

Registration is still open - and it's not too late to enroll. It's a great opportunity for students who have completed 8th grade and are under 21. It's open to home school students and to people who are no longer in high school who meet the age requirements. 

Scroll down for more information about my class this year

Dragons in the Mist by Josh Watson - Skills Center & Lincoln Student

5 MYTHS ABOUT THE SKILLS CENTER
     
“The Skills Center Is Not Academic”

• Skills Center Students can earn Core Credit or College Credit while taking Technical Classes.
• Skills Center Students often work and study side-by-side with Peninsula College Students.
• Many people with college degrees go back to school for training at Technical Colleges similar to the Skills Center.  Why not get those skills in High School?

           

“There Are No Good Jobs For Skills Center Graduates”

• Our courses lead to industry certification.
• ·Many of our graduates go on to successful careers: International Chef, Composites Technician at ACTI, Composites Technician at Westport, CNA in Medical Clinics, IT Technician, Auto Body repair, Auto Body Painting, and many more.            

“Skills Center Classes Are Expensive”·      

• All classes are free with the exception of Cosmetology (fee to purchase your professional kit, which
• you keep.)
• Bus Passes are available for students who qualify. Inquire at the office or with the instructor.
• Free Tech Prep college classes (High School classes where you can earn college credits which means that you pay less for your college education)
• No College Loans to repay.

“I Don’t Have Time For Skills Center Classes”

• 3 time slots available: Morning, afternoon, and evening.
• Some classes offer part-time and independent study options
• Online learning options

      

“Education Is Out Of Touch With The Real World”

• All instructors have industry experience.  In order to become a Career and Technical Education Instructor, teachers have to prove that they have the real-world experience.
• Every Skills Center instructor has a committee of industry professionals giving them advice.
• The Skills Center provides hands on experience with industry tools. For example, Composites Technology offers a technology lab, CNC Router, composites baking oven, and an updated computer lab.

 

Can you afford to not do this?

 


From right: Rachel Catterson, Jeanette Dewey, Abigail Nicholls, Brandon Fudally

Ninja by Destiny Walters-Spencer - Skills Center and Port Angeles High School Student