Wednesday, February 5, 2014

Who are YOU to Judge? From criticism to self-acceptance



If this article interests you - I will be giving a couple of workshops on 2/15 & 2/16 while go deeper into topics like this... Scroll to the end for more information.



Queen of the Terminal Stairs by Melissa Klein

Who are YOU to Judge?
by Melissa Klein

I was recently approached by a member of the Sequim Arts Association to judge their upcoming student show. It was an honor to be asked, but brought up a plethora of mixed emotions.  

I’m actually not a big fan of art competitions. While I recognize their value in helping artists gain recognition and exposure, I don’t like how by their very nature, they pit one artist against another. I don’t like how they really just reflect the whims and personal taste of the judges, and can intimidate audiences from loving the work that didn’t win because it’s considered inferior to the first place winner. And, imho - I’m a bit skeptical about how good they are at generating sales for artists. 

At their worst, competitions are simply a way for an organization to generate funds in the form of entry fees from artists who hope to gain some recognition, but they don’t really help their careers. Or while an organization might have good intentions, they are usually run by volunteers, and are sometimes not well organized. I’ve had my name misspelled on more than one occasion and had a difficult time getting it fixed (“No, really - I AM Melissa Klein! And it’s spelled…” ). Uh - not really good for getting good name recognition if it’s not spelled correctly.

The Cruelest One of All
One of my high school students is struggling. She works extra on her art at home. She’s thoughtful, considerate, kind. She’s engaged. She cares. She has good ideas and incorporates feedback well. She puts heart into her work, and her skills are strong. She does work that would earn “A’s” from me. IF it ever got in my inbox. But her work doesn’t get into the inbox because it doesn’t get finished. And it’s frightening how much she cares about what I and the world might think. She’s giving away her power. She has become paralyzed by both her own inner judge and fear about what others might think. Whatever I might think about her work, her inner judge will be far harsher than I would ever be as a teacher who sees my role as supportive. 

Mirror Mirror Who’s the Fairest of them All 
Comparison is the death of motivation. Recently I was hit with a triple-whammy of comparison blues: a person who had been in the same coaching program as I was (Christine Kane - and she’s awesome, here’s a link for that training https://christinekane.infusionsoft.com/go/cashflowcode/MelissaK) just announced on Facebook that she had hit 10,000 likes for her page “Modern Married.” Then I saw a training that Christine did which featured two other women’s businesses who also started at around the same time that I did - one who had tripled her income and another who is now making over 100K a year. Uh…. I’m at 41 Facebook likes (and thank you so much to the 41!) and nowhere near that income. 

The Shame Spiral
I started to beat myself up about it - “I have the same tools they do!  Why didn’t I work harder and take more advantage of the program? Why did I slack? What is wrong with me?” and make excuses: "They are different businesses and live in highly populated areas, and I’m in the boonies! They’ve been really doing their businesses for much longer!” 

There is nothing to gain from this, this is the path of pain. I am friendly with all of these women - it wasn’t easy for any of them; they all had their struggles. They had breakdowns and doubts. And they are all kind, generous and wonderful people.

Artist Heal Thyself
I flipped it, and started to celebrate all that I had accomplished in the last couple of years: leaving a full-time job in Sped, the district creating a new position for me to teach Commercial Art, the successful shows, commissions for the EPA, being included in a presentation at the Gates Foundation recently, the people who have bought and loved the work… There doesn’t need to be any shame here.

"You have to live spherically - in many directions. To accept yourself for what you are without inhibitions, to be open.” - Frederico Fellini


Photograph by Melissa Klein

The Lesson in Taco
About a year and half ago, we moved our horses to a friend's pasture to keep a lonely, ancient pony named Taco company. It was a win-win - we needed pasture, Taco needed company. April and Hawthorne are two gorgeous Percheron draft horses that we use for trail riding and spoiling. About eight years ago, we adopted April, who was pregnant, as a rescue horse from the drug industry. Taco was Taco. Taco didn’t compare himself - he was tiny and scruffy. He was delighted to have a herd. He just enjoyed things for what they were and while it’s hard to say what was going on in his head, I doubt if there was any “Oh! I wish I was….” Taco has gone on to that great pasture in the sky, I sorely miss him and will never forget the gift he brought to my life.


Me & Mini Me - Hawthorne & Taco, photograph by Melissa Klein

Finding the joy in the doing

“You exist only in what you do.” - Frederico Fellini

What brought you to love doing that work? Remember when you were five years old - or whenever that moment was that you went “This is cool! I love this!” Forget about the money that it’s supposed to bring in, forget about “the career” - you can think about that when you get ready for market. For now… do it for the pure pleasure. The only way to get better at something- is to do it.

Ride the ferris wheel.


Photograph by Melissa Klein


Kill Your Judge
In the movie 8 1/2 by Fellini, there’s a character who is a writer, always criticizing the main character who is a director. At one point the director fantasizes about hanging the writer, who then comes back in a later scene. 

I think that there’s a time and place for the judge, but not in the early stages of the creative process. Later, when it’s time to step back and reassess. I think of the inner judge as something you can “kill” many times, but it will always come back. Enjoy the respite and create during that time. It’s the brain trying to protect itself - like an overprotective parent who won’t let their child try anything to keep him or her from getting hurt - the result is that while nothing is lost, nothing is gained, and there is no joy. 


Photograph by Melissa Klein

Cultivate Resilience & Buoyancy
Brene Brown in "Gift of Imperfection” suggests writing down the things that you fear the most - and talk back to them. Acknowledge them and say that you will do it anyway. Own it instead of pushing it away. 

Celebrate accomplishments without any “buts…” Christine Kane (in her former career was as a muscian) talks about how she was able to land a gig opening for the opening act of the Olympics because the promoter was drunk at the time and in a moment of emotion, announced that she would do the spot. Who cares that that is how she got the spot? The main thing is that she did it - and it opened up new audiences who loved her work. Don’t apologize or explain away the accomplishment - sometimes we get lucky, but the hard work is still ours.


Breaking Eggs by Melissa Klein

I wound up not judging the student competition - we realized that there is a conflict of interest because some my students are submitting their work to the show. I gracefully bowed out with relief.

I don’t know if we are ever good enough… And I don’t know if we are ever done artistically. It’s both the joy and the frustration of this journey. Enjoy the ride!

Best,

-Melissa


Forward by Melissa Klein

PS - It’s really, really ironic because as I’m writing this - by coincidence, a song by Luke Dowler called “Good Enough” came on my iTunes. Check him out on NoiseTrade - he’s offering free downloads of his music and he will give 100% of his artist tip proceeds to the International Justice Mission. http://noisetrade.com/dowler/west' 


PPS - If this article interested you and you want to explore this more in-depth, I will be offering two workshop series ARTiculate which is about telling your story & ART LAB for supporting people with creative projects. It will be a combination of entertaining storytelling, art history, discussion and right-brain art exercises.

What are Right-Brain Exercises?
A picture is worth a thousand words and helps to galvanize your emotional forces to create positive change. Many times we become inundated with a tidal-wave of words or become demotivated by all of the “shoulds” in life - which make it hard to see things clearly.

Right-brain exercises are a playful use of visualization techniques to see concepts in a new light. Using simple materials like ink, paper, sand, collage, and doodling - you will be able to engage your visual side and have it communicate with you in a way that is outside of words and creates a clear picture of issue and new possibilities.

It’s not about creating art, its about using art to create a new perspective. — Melissa Klein

The Happy Factor
People get really happy when they are given permission to play like children before they knew if something is “good” or “bad” — they can’t fail. Remember the joy of mud pies before they were “dirty”? Accessing problems from a positive and humorous perspective is more motivating to create change.

Journal of Journey
Your Journal is included in the workshop and is something that you will take away with you as a physical reminder - and to add onto as you gain new insights. This is about creating lasting change and keeping inspired.


Space is limited - reserve your place!


Here is where you can apply for a scholarship - from Sue Barrington (director of the Waterfront Park Community Center):

"Scholarships for the Park District are done through HelpLine House, a local nonprofit a few blocks from here.  It requires a scheduled visit with a Social Worker there who fills out the financial application.  It is also a way for folks to find out about other free or discounted programs and services available to help here on the island."



Four Easy Ways to Register

1. Online at www.biparks.org. Registration is processed immediately, and you can print your confirmation form and receipt.
2. Drop Off your completed registration form and payment at the Strawberry Hill Park District Office (7666 NE High School Rd)
 or the Aquatics Center (8521 Madison Ave). No faxes or e-mail.
3. Mail In your form and payment to: BI Metro Park & Recreation District, PO Box 10010, BI, WA 98110
4. Phone In. Give us a call at (206) 842-2306, ext 118.
Credit cards accepted are Visa and Mastercard only.


See below for dates/tuition information

ART LABORATORY
  
Monthly Saturdays 9am - 6 pm
  
February 15      April 26
March 22           May 17
                           June 28
  
$100 each class or $550 for the six month seminar.  Scholarships available.
  
Includes healthy refreshments to feed body and soul!


ARTiculate Your Story
370 Brien Dr SE, Bainbridge Isle, WA 98110
  
Monthly Sundays  12 - 5 pm
  
February 16                April 27
March 23                    May 18
                                      June 29
  
$60 each meeting or $330 for the six month class.  Scholarships available.
  
Includes healthy refreshments to feed body and soul!


Friday, January 17, 2014

Right Brain Activities Solve Problems ART Lab & ARTiculate workshops


FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Contact:          Melissa Klein
                        360.809.0083
                        me.lissa@melissaklein.com

Re:                   Using Right-Brain Activities to Solve Problems:
                        Art Laboratory & ARTiculate Your Story Workshops
                        (see below for dates)
                        Waterfront Park Community Center
                          370 Brien Drive SE, Bainbridge Island 98110

Click to download high-resolution photos of Klein’s art & word document
https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/3254631/Right%20Brain%20Activities%20Art%20Lab%20Solve%20Problems%20and%20ARTiculate%20%20Press%20Release_Melissa_Klein%20copy.zip

              

Get your new year off to an inspired and creative start.  Starting on January 25th at the Waterfront Park Community Center on Bainbridge Island, artist and art instructor Melissa Klein will present Art Laboratory & ARTiculate Your Story workshops, which integrate right-brain activities to help solve problems and find creative solutions.
 Art Laboratory is designed for novice & professional artists as a forum to share ideas, explore monthly themes and develop practical business skills to support an artistic lifestyle.

ARTiculate facilitates the ‘emerging’ creative to share their story with clarity and power with pictures, words or a combination of both.

In these playful workshops Klein will share right-brain techniques for using art and imagery as a powerful tools to take control of your life.

“I’ve had to weather some great changes and challenges in my life – professionally and personally. When I really decided to commit myself to a career in art – my verbal side was freaking out, saying things like ‘You will starve! You will fall flat on your face…Who do you think you are?!’ At the same time, I was creating paintings that were saying something very different – that saw the world in a different way – and that some of the emotions I was going through were simply a result of breaking out of my shell; which is an uncomfortable process – which made it all OK.

“As an artist, I am able to access my right brain – which has a very different modality for problem solving, and sees things in a more holistic light. As I was showing my art and talking to people about my process and symbols – they started to ask me to teach them some of the techniques that I had intuited for creative problem solving.“ explains Klein.

There is some startling information about how the right brain solves problems. Dr. Mark Beeman’s research shows “About a second and a half before people solved the problem with insight, they had this sudden and prolonged increase in alpha band activity over the right occipital lobe, the region that processes visual information coming into the brain.” (Your Brain at Work, David Rock) This was exciting, organic evidence about how important the right brain is for making connections and global thinking.

There is also a strong correlation between emotions and problem solving – the greater the happiness, the greater the likelihood of solving the problem which is also inversely proportional with anxiety. (Your Brain at Work, David Rock)

Unfortunately – so much problem solving is approached with a sense of ”heaviness” about the magnitude of the issue that our brain generates a strong “away” response – which is a variation of fight or flight. This explains why people procrastinate, and don’t follow through with their dreams. It’s not fun! Working with visual imagery, which is how our brains are hard-wired to think, creates “pure excitement for our minds” (Unfolding the Napkin, Dan Roam) and generates a positive “towards” response for putting vision into action.

“I started to create activities to help activate visual problem-solving and reach out to either the blocked artist, or help the person who doesn’t consider themself creative to access their creativity. In many ways this is what I’ve been doing for years as a Commercial Art Instructor; working with disengaged teenagers who are reluctant learners, helping them become excited about what they can accomplish. The point isn’t to create art – it’s to use art as a way to create a new perspective and stay connected to your vision.”

Whether you are looking for ways to stay connected to your intentions for the New Year or are looking to reconnect with touchstones to your truest self - these workshops will support you in your journey through a combination of exploratory exercises and visual information provided in a safe and fun environment.

 “Visual images, symbols and mythology have a direct access to our emotions and can help us to harness the power of emotion and heal the gap between intention and reality. They can also act as a ‘True North’ to keep you in touch with what you really want in life instead of what you ‘should’ want or is perhaps what others think is best. When these are in alignment, the power of human intention is unstoppable.” Klein says.


ART LABORATORY
WATERFRONT PARK COMMUNITY CENTER 
370 Brien Dr SE, Bainbridge Isle, WA 98110

Monthly Saturdays 9am - 6 pm

January   25th                April 26
February 15                   May 17
March 22                        June 28

$100 each class or $550 for the six month seminar.  Scholarships available.

Includes healthy refreshments to feed body and soul!


ARTiculate Your Story
WATERFRONT PARK COMMUNITY CENTER 
370 Brien Dr SE, Bainbridge Isle, WA 98110

Monthly Sundays  12 - 5 pm

January 26                  April 27
February 16                May 18
March 23                    June 29

$60 each meeting or $330 for the six month class.  Scholarships available.


Includes healthy refreshments to feed body and soul!
If this article interested you and you want to explore this more in-depth, I will be offering two workshop series ARTiculate which is about telling your story & ART LAB for supporting people with creative projects. It will be a combination of entertaining storytelling, art history, discussion and right-brain art exercises. 
What are Right-Brain Exercises?
A picture is worth a thousand words and helps to galvanize your emotional forces to create positive change. Many times we become inundated with a tidal-wave of words or become demotivated by all of the “shoulds” in life - which make it hard to see things clearly. 
Right-brain exercises are a playful use of visualization techniques to see concepts in a new light. Using simple materials like ink, paper, sand, collage, and doodling - you will be able to engage your visual side and have it communicate with you in a way that is outside of words and creates a clear picture of issue and new possibilities. 
It’s not about creating art, its about using art to create a new perspective. — Melissa Klein
The Happy Factor
People get really happy when they are given permission to play like children before they knew if something is “good” or “bad” — they can’t fail. Remember the joy of mud pies before they were “dirty”? Accessing problems from a positive and humorous perspective is more motivating to create change.
Journal of Journey
Your Journal is included in the workshop and is something that you will take away with you as a physical reminder - and to add onto as you gain new insights. This is about creating lasting change and keeping inspired.
Space is limited - reserve your place! 
Please call me at 360.809.0083 or email me at me.lissa@melissaklein.com to reserve your place.





Sunday, January 5, 2014

Free Yourself from the Tyranny of New Year's Resolutions: Congruency & Connection

Hi Everyone,

Workshops can be taken individually or take  the whole series for maximum impact. 

Contact me at 360.809.0083 (texting is OK) or email: me.lissa@melissaklein.com 


Best Regards, 

-Melissa
Free yourself from the tyranny
of New Year's Resolutions:
Congruency & Connection
scroll down for article








Free yourself from the tyranny
of New Year's Resolutions:
Congruency & Connection

“If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to be a horrible warning.” - Catherine Aird


I love new beginnings - which is what I love about the celebration of a new year. If it was a “good” year then I can celebrate accomplishments and milestones and feel "a moment of smug." If it was a tough year - then the new year offers the opportunity to put last year behind me and move forward. "Thank God that’s over with!"

Resolution. Flake. Beat. Drag. Repeat.
I used to make resolutions aplenty - they were pretty typical: lose weight, get organized etc. I would create a schedule of all the things that I was gonna do - and oh yeah, usually this schedule was so tight that it didn’t allow for things like eating, sleep, transition between activities… and it ignored the fact that I was working a full-time+++ job and was completely stressed out. It was a real “Type A” schedule for someone who doesn’t need any sleep and is on high-octane drugs!

And, following the typical pattern - I would be disciplined for about 6 weeks and then start to flake out. Get discouraged. Beat myself up mentally. Drag myself through whatever was the resolution.

Flake. Beat. Drag. Repeat.

Symbols Not Words
Then I stopped making resolutions and started to visualize what I really wanted. I drew pictures - and the pictures told me more about what was going on than creating a rigid set of resolutions or “commandments.” This is the image that I used to help me lose weight: 

) (  

-its the symbol of a waistline, and how I wanted to have a waist that looked like  ) (  and not  ( ). I pulled up that image in my mind whenever confronted with eating something that wasn’t in line with getting a slim waist. 

Create & Tweak the Routine
I focused on routines and systems to help me stay on track. I looked for openings in my schedule where I could realistically work towards my dreams. If I didn’t keep my intention, then I looked to a flaw in the routine or system rather than the flaw in my character. This was much more productive and kept the focus on finding a solution rather than the problem. 

I work better at night. If I get up really early in the morning I tend to feel really off and often have a headache and am spacey for the day. I negotiated to have my teaching in the afternoon rather than the morning. Which means that it’s OK to sleep in when I stayed up until 2am doing stuff. All morning if necessary. No more beating myself up for not getting up at the crack of dawn!


"Playing" by Melissa Klein 9"x12" Available - click on image for more information

Congruency
Horse trainers Pat and Linda Parelli say most horse accidents happen due to a lack of congruency. In a nutshell - in falling off a horse - the horse bucks up and your body loses contact with the saddle. Wham! Or you will be trotting along just dandy - suddenly your foot comes out of the stirrup, you lose balance…. Your bodies were incongruent.

Life is like that - when you are not congruent with your real mission, you fall off the horse!

I got real about who I am, and focused on getting congruent with that identity. I started to act like the person I wanted to be rather than always chasing the dream. How would a successful artist have her schedule support her so she can make her best work?

It’s kind of like dating: ever meet the person who is desperately single? Pretty much everyone runs for the door. Now imagine someone who is secure in their independence - how are they? Confident, fun, and certainly not grasping for a date. The paradox is that quality makes them more desirable and likely to attract partners versus that desperately single candidate.

Be the change that you want to see. Operate from a place of having already fulfilled the goal rather than grasping for it.

Self-Fulfilling Prophecy
It’s really true that we create our reality - which can be annoying since it’s so much easier (and fun!) to place blame on the circumstances and people around us. 



A colleague told me that when we point the finger at someone else, then three fingers point back at us. 

I had never heard of this before, and eagerly shared this wisdom with my students (who had all heard this metaphor before) - and their answer to this gem? To point ALL of their fingers at the offending party instead of just one! Too bad it just doesn’t work that way.

A couple of years ago, I was at a conference for aspiring entrepreneurs. There was a woman who had a great idea for a business, was really excited and seemed to have the resources to make it happen. At one point, she stood up and asked our coach “Is this going to be one of those things where we all say these empty affirmations and then go home and do nothing?” 

Sure enough - a few months later, her accountability partner reported that she just “disappeared." In their last conversation, she shared that her husband was pressuring her to help out with their family business instead of starting her own. Which was odd because he had come to a conference and seemed supportive... She sunk about $6,000 plus travel expenses to be in the program that year. She fulfilled her own prophesy and was pointing the finger. 

Other people from that same conference moved from just having an idea to running highly successful businesses and receiving national and international attention for their work. They also had prophesies to fulfill.

The difference? 

ACTION and CONNECTION

They took regular action - even if only for 15 minutes or half an hour a day. And if it didn’t happen that day - they got back on the horse the next day, and didn’t waste energy beating themselves up about it or being dramatic. They cultivated connections (that even included husbands) to bolster their success. They didn’t point fingers - except at themselves.

Action is the glue that heals the disconnect between dreams and real life.



CONNECTION
I find that one of the worst things I can do, to NOT accomplish a goal is to rely upon my own “self discipline” to make it happen. 

Instead I look for outside influences - I sign up for a class because it forces me to set aside the time to actually do it. I schedule an art event that requires me to have new work. My horses are my workout partners, I have to show up to feed them no matter what and they get cranky if I don’t.


"Hawthorne in Summer Fields" by Melissa Klein

I have two accountability partners to check in with about what I want to accomplish - and to trouble shoot if I don’t make the goal. I answer to them on a weekly, or more, basis. 

Goals happen in incremental ways - focus on habits and routines and the goals will take care of themselves. 

Get back on the horse. Don’t beat yourself up or the horse! Again. Get back on the horse. Your actions will make your dreams and reality become congruent.

Resolutions are all about creating change - which is a great thing. The main thing is to find a way to create that change for you that is lasting and sustainable.

-Melissa

"Me & Mini-ME!" by Melissa Klein

If this article interested you and you want to explore this more in-depth, I will be offering two workshop series ARTiculate which is about telling your story & ART LAB for supporting people with creative projects. It will be a combination of entertaining storytelling, art history, discussion and right-brain art exercises. 
What are Right-Brain Exercises?
A picture is worth a thousand words and helps to galvanize your emotional forces to create positive change. Many times we become inundated with a tidal-wave of words or become demotivated by all of the “shoulds” in life - which make it hard to see things clearly. 
Right-brain exercises are a playful use of visualization techniques to see concepts in a new light. Using simple materials like ink, paper, sand, collage, and doodling - you will be able to engage your visual side and have it communicate with you in a way that is outside of words and creates a clear picture of issue and new possibilities. 
It’s not about creating art, its about using art to create a new perspective. — Melissa Klein
The Happy Factor
People get really happy when they are given permission to play like children before they knew if something is “good” or “bad” — they can’t fail. Remember the joy of mud pies before they were “dirty”? Accessing problems from a positive and humorous perspective is more motivating to create change.
Journal of Journey
Your Journal is included in the workshop and is something that you will take away with you as a physical reminder - and to add onto as you gain new insights. This is about creating lasting change and keeping inspired.
Space is limited - reserve your place! 
Please call me at 360.809.0083 or email me at me.lissa@melissaklein.com to reserve your place.







Wednesday, December 11, 2013

Put Your Personal Demons on ICE!






"We Choose Not to Cooperate with Your Stupid Christmas Photo!" by Melissa Klein
Models: Hawthorne, April, Captain & Willbe
click here or on image to go to store

PUT YOUR PERSONAL DEMONS
ON ICE! 

By Melissa Klein

As the holidays approach, I find myself in that  “love-hate” mode about them: love seeing relatives and friends, hate feeling obligated to do things that feel incongruent to my values. And of course, there are always the complications of dealing with some difficult family members or difficult moments around self-worth.

Here’s a method that I’ve devised to deal with some of those situations. I call it “ICER” and I like to think of the iciness of it as an antidote for the hot, angry feeling that happens around triggers. 

"ICER"
ID
Choice
Escape
Re-engage
ID

Identify the triggers; OK - you know who and what the main ones are: “that relative” or “that co-worker” or “the _______ (job, health, spouse etc.) situation” but what about the more subtle ones? 

How about the fact that you only got a few hours of sleep the night before? That is a trigger. 
What about booze? How well do you hold it? I enjoy booze, but it doesn’t take much to make me silly. Um… maybe half a glass is better than two glasses in some situations… That could be a trigger as well.

Same with eating - I had a couple of bites of cake at a staff potluck lunch, and suddenly I couldn’t think straight. I’m not really used to eating that much sugar, especially at that time of day. And then I had to teach… and then something went kinda sideways with a student… you get the picture. It wasn’t completely horrible, but I can’t help but wonder if I couldn’t have handled things better without that cake. It wasn’t really worth it. 

Triggers are not only situations and people, but they can be also things that you can control - sleep, eating and thoughts.


"April Pigs Out for the Holidays" by Melissa Klein
click here or on image to go to store
Choice
Watch your thoughts; do they tend towards the negative? “That person is going to make me feel stupid….” Is it 100% true that it will happen? Probably not. 

Can you find a choice in how you look at it? “That person has talked down to me in the past. They may or may not behave that way this time. It’s really their problem - I don’t have to make it mine.” The choice is yours in how you take it. 

Or this is a mantra I made up: “I can’t control what others think, say or doo-doo! That’s their poop!”

And while you can’t control what others do (or doo-doo) - you always have a choice somewhere. It can be as small a choice as “I can choose to ask to reschedule this…” larger, “I have a choice to either keep this engagement or to cancel it,” or big “I can choose to go to Africa and celebrate Kwanza instead!” 

Reframe it in a way that acknowledges your choice. And while it’s a choice that you may or may not regret, it’s yours! Own it.


"Captain & Willbe at Xmas" by Melissa Klein
click here or on image to go to store

Escape

Even if no-one else notices that something is getting to you, you feel it…. There’s always the bathroom. I know that this feels really silly, but there’s ALWAYS THE BATHROOM! And you have the perfect, socially acceptable reason to go and take a few minutes to be in your own private hideaway. So what if it seems like your bladder is out of whack? It’s unlikely that anyone will notice, and so what if they do?

Here’s another one; keep your dog in the car and go out periodically to check on him, it will do both of you good. Borrow the neighbor’s dog if you have to, perhaps they need someone to babysit the dog while they are away?

Set an alarm on your phone - and say that it’s a call you have to take. Step outside to take that VIP call.

Or - deep breath, say that you just need a minute.


"Willbe Hood Ornament" by Melissa Klein
click here or on image to go to store

Re-Engage

In that escape mode, ask yourself “What is the best outcome for this situation? What do I really want out of what is going on here?”

• It may be that you want to enjoy the company of the loved ones despite something uncomfortable.
• It may be that you want to be alone.
• It may be that you need to set a boundary for “that person.”

So… What are you going to do about it? Confront them? Stay? Leave? Decide to go along with it to keep the peace? All are valid choices depending on the situation.

Find your best, most positive outcome. And re-engage with the situation from that higher ground.

Here are some sample scripts:

• I am choosing to stay for the festivities, but I don’t feel comfortable with ___________. I will ignore their behavior as best as possible so that I can enjoy seeing the rest of my family.
• I need to be alone so I will say my goodbyes and honor that need without guilt, shame or blame.
• I need to be clear about what I am willing to do to contribute - I am willing to help with ___________, but not with ___________. Or I have a limited budget, so I will not be able to purchase anything over  _____$.
• This may make _______ angry, but how he/she know if I don’t say anything? (repeat the mantra - “I can’t control what others think, say or doo-doo! That’s their poop!”)


"Every Stupid Holiday" by Melissa Klein
click here or on image to go to store

Communicate from the perspective of humor and kindness - this will probably be more funny than tragic in a year or less. Take it from that perspective. Remember the things that got you steamed in high school? That are now just funny? What if you could have approached it from the perspective of ten years or more later? Totally different - right? 

And realize that as triggered as you might feel, there are probably others who are just as triggered you are or more. Compassion is the root of kindness.

May the ICER be with you!
And….. Happy Holidays!

-Melissa

If this article interested you and you want to explore this more in-depth, I will be offering a workshop about confronting and overcoming your Personal Demons. It will be a combination of entertaining storytelling, art history, discussion and right-brain art exercises. 

What are Right-Brain Exercises?
A picture is worth a thousand words and helps to galvanize your emotional forces to create positive change. Many times we become inundated with a tidal-wave of words or become demotivated by all of the “shoulds” in life - which make it hard to see things clearly. 
Right-brain exercises are a playful use of visualization techniques to see concepts in a new light. Using simple materials like ink, paper, sand, collage, and doodling - you will be able to engage your visual side and have it communicate with you in a way that is outside of words and creates a clear picture of issue and new possibilities. 
It’s not about creating art, its about using art to create a new perspective. — Melissa Klein

The Happy Factor
People get really happy when they are given permission to play like children before they knew if something is “good” or “bad” — they can’t fail. Remember the joy of mud pies before they were “dirty”? Accessing problems from a positive and humorous perspective is more motivating to create change.

Journal of Journey
Your Journal is included in the workshop and is something that you will take away with you as a physical reminder - and to add onto as you gain new insights. This is about creating lasting change and keeping inspired.

Personal Demons
Sunday, December 15 
10am-1pm 

BODHI CENTER
6717 Marshall Road
Bainbridge Island, WA 98110

Space is limited - reserve your place!  Tuition: $80 per workshop

Please call me at 360.809.0083 or email me at me.lissa@melissaklein.com to reserve your place.