Certainty of Death. Small chance of success…. What are we waiting for? -Gimli, Lord of the Rings & Personal Mythology

"CERTAINTY OF DEATH. SMALL CHANCE OF SUCCESS... WHAT ARE WE WAITING FOR?"  -Gimli, Lord of the Rings

I've been thinking about how people are "triggered" and how to overcome those triggers. A trigger can be defined as anything which causes someone to either over-react or under-react because of a past experience or trauma that reminds them of something or someone with which they had a unpleasant encounter. 

For example, when an older man asks me to do secretarial things for them like make copies, get coffee, phone calls that they could make themselves - then I feel triggered. Why? Because in my first years out of college, I worked as a secretary in an advertising agency. My boss was very good, but there was this older guy who kept trying to co-opt me into being his secretary. He was a freelancer, but he felt like I should do all of this stuff for him that was his job. And that I should also be sexually available for him as well! 

I was scrambling to keep up with a very heavy workload and working 80 hours a week. I resented him, his 3 hour lunches and the fact that he probably made several times the amount I did… "Can you get me a cup of coffee, hon?" Just watch the steam come out of my ears. 

Now sometimes, there is nothing unreasonable about a request "Can you call X and make an introduction for me?" - and it has nothing to do with the current situation. What is real. Now.

But when triggered, it's basically fight or flight. Lash out with a "No! You loser, I won't do that!" or stuff it, shut up and do it, seething with resentment or find ways to avoid it "forgetting" to make the call that was agreed on at the meeting. None of these things are healthy responses - and none of them deal with the reality of NOW. 

It's all about resiliency. Letting go of past experiences, gaining wisdom and then using that knowledge to deal with the present without getting bogged down in the baggage. How to overcome obstacles in a way that is beyond empty affirmation "If I just wish for a million dollars hard enough, then it will happen! If I don't get the money, then I just need to wish harder! And it will come to me! I'm not going to do anything beyond wishing!"

Tolkien wrote "Lord of the Rings" to give the English people a modern mythology or rather a mythology. England didn't have a mythology. She had been wracked by two world wars, and had lost most of two generations of young men. People felt hopeless. He identified a new villain - the one of mechanization and mass production that harmed the environment. A faceless wizard that was only a great eye watching everything. 

While Lord of the Rings is a fantasy, every time that I see it, what's striking is how relevant it is to modern times. Take away the window dressing of elves, dwarfs, sword fighting, medieval armor, magic etc. and the parallels are striking. Leaders who are corrupted. Heroes who have lost their direction. Fighting between factions when they should be joining forces against a common enemy. Plans that go awry. Companies that destroy the environment and faceless corporations who use the government politicians as pawns. During these times of political fighting and government shut down, we are embroiled in conflicts while on the brink of major environmental disaster which is already creating severe climate changes. Our land and water are polluted. That's the real threat.

While there are these realities to contend with, Tolkien also offers hope. The bonds between friends and family. Holding onto what is most dear in life - those we love. The simple pleasures of good food and drink. Every contribution is valuable, even by the very small and seemingly unimportant. And that it's possible to overcome great odds.  

Most of all, not giving up. When Gimli utters the words "Certainty of Death. Small chance of success…. What are we waiting for?"  While he's acknowledging the reality of what they are facing by going to the gates of Mordor, he still has hope. In spite of the odds, Gimli is resilient. "This Emotional Life" by PBS defines resilience as "...the capacity to adapt successfully in the face of threats or disaster. People can improve their capacity for resilience at any time of life." 

Even naturally resilient folk such as hobbits can be overwhelmed as Frodo was by the burden of the ring. How do they get through? Friends and community, or in Frodo's case: Sam.

How to cultivate resilience?

Emmy Werner, who started a land-breaking longitudinal study on of all of the children born on Kauai in 1955 studies resiliency and protective factors. Their lives are followed to this to this day. Some children were born with high-risk factors - poverty, birth trauma, learning disabilities, divorce etc and yet, one out of three, lead happy and productive lives... She identifies a set of protective factors that helped children who were born into adverse conditions not only survive, but thrive. These fall into three basic categories: personal qualities, protective factors in the family and in the community. Personal qualities include a curiosity about learning, achievement and the ability to reach out to others and bond. Protective factors within the family is having an extended network of people to "recruit" surrogate parents such as grandparents, aunts, uncles etc. And in the community it also meant that the child had the ability to reach out for support from neighbors, teachers and elders who are available. This study has been replicated in other countries with similar findings.

These are all things that we can do at any age. 

The main point in the Lord of the Rings is that we need everyone to help. No matter how small and insignificant as a hobbit may seem, it was Frodo's contribution that made the difference. But he could not have done it without Sam. And they could not have done it without Aragorn. Who could not have done it without Gimli. Who could not have done it without Legolas (although Gimli would be reluctant to admit it).

Resiliency is the opposite of triggered. Resilience is the being a part of a community and having support to do what is best. Resilience is the difference between overcoming seemingly insurmountable odds and giving up. The steward of Gondor gives up and look what happens to him - nearly burning his son alive and then jumping, burning off the cliff of the city. The message is clear. 

And they call Lord of the Rings, fantasy...

To explore your modern personal mythology, please join me at the Bodhi Center next week. I will be offering a series of workshops at the Bodhi Center.  Are you living the story you want to be?

• Connect to your personal symbols and discover their power. Tap into the myths that align you with your purpose.
• Discover practical tools that can be used as a daily source of inspiration to keep you aligned to your motivation, passion, talent and creative dreams.

Through a combination of entertaining storytelling, images, discussion, and hands-on right-brain activities, you will be guided through exercises that will help you gain new insight into your story and personal mythology.  Create your own "Journal of Journey" using ink, crow-quill pen, collage and multi-media techniques in a supportive environment. All materials supplied, including a gift "Journal of Journey" and light refreshments to pamper you on your adventure!  

Contact me to confirm a reservation: me.lissa@melissaklein.com or 360.809.0083

Best Wishes,

-Melissa



PS - I'm not triggered anymore by requests for coffee

PPS - Please forward this to any interested friends - it's a great way to strengthen connections and/or to create new friends


This program is generously hosted by the Bodhi Center.  For more information, contact Melissa Klein, at 360.809.0083 or me.lissa@melissaklein.com or go to www.melissaklein.com 

The Bodhi Center is located at 6717 Marshall Road,
Bainbridge Island, WA 98110. Additional workshops in series will occur on Sunday, November 17 (Inner Hero) and Sunday, December 15 (Personal Demons) both from 10am to 1pm. Tuition is $80 per workshop, or $200 for all three workshops together (a $40 discount). You can choose to attend any combination of workshops, but it's best to attend all three to get the most benefit. Space is limited, so call or email to reserve your spot and "Journal of Journey" that accompanies the workshop.

Subtle shifts, Radical Changes

SCROLL DOWN FOR ARTICLE

 SUBTLE SHIFTS, RADICAL CHANGES

by Melissa Klein

I decided to take a mentoring client out on a walk with Hawthorne, my giant "baby" draft horse along the Olympic Trail. There is a point where the horse trail splits off from the main track. The main track is lovely: paved, straight, easy and goes over the beautiful Railroad Bridge. From up above, you can see shadows of fish going up the river. 

The horse trail is a small dirt trail that splits off of the main trail. It's unmarked. It's easy to miss. It involves walking through a tunnel of high grass and over small streams. Theres a bit of bush whacking - and some branches of deer trails that go nowhere. It goes under the bridge. Down to the river to where the salmon spawn. You can be so close as to touch them and identify them as individuals. The river can be crossed in knee boots. You can see salmon eggs, salmon spawning and dead salmon in the same 10 foot stretch of river.

It's a much more interesting path - and connects to the poetry of the salmon song as they fight their way up the river and complete their life cycle.  

It's only a one degree difference on the trail. 

My client was delighted - she breamed at the wonder of it all. Afterwards we talked about what that meant - how a subtle shift can lead to a radically different departure. In charting a course for ships - 1 degree can make the difference between reaching the correct destination and winding up in a far-flung port. 

Floatiing Boat by Melissa Klein

So many times in making changes in life - there is an urge to make a 90 degree or 180 degree turn. While that's sometimes necessary (I've done that for both better and worse), some of the most radical changes can be made by making a subtle shift in direction. The one small habit or routine that is incorporated into the day or week. A shift in focus. A conscious choice in thinking patterns. Minimizing contact with negative people.



Here are some of the subtle shifts that I've made over the years that added up to radical changes:

1. Choosing to go Complaint Free: The goal was to make it to 21 days without complaining. It was designed by a minister who challenged his congregation to go for 21 days complaint free. It wasn't easy. It took me a year to accomplish. Sometimes, I slip back into old bad habits and have to re-commit. It helped all of my relationships - personal and professional. Conversations are more interesting. If there is an issue that needs to be resolved, even if I'm talking to someone who isn't "complaint free," we are more focused on problem-solving and solution. Here's a resource for more information: http://www.acomplaintfreeworld.org/ 

2. Cutting down on sugar: Wayne Dyer mentioned it as an aside in his audio book "Making the Shift" - he said: "If you want to lose the fat around your middle, cut down on sugar." While it's obvious to not eat things like candy/cake/cookies, sugar is loaded into things like milk, fruit juice, alcohol, potato chips and ketchup. I cut waaaaay back. Looked more critically at what I was putting in my mouth from the sugar perspective. The first 2 to 3 weeks, I was constantly hungry. I filled up on veggies or just acknowledged it for what it was and did something else. Then the cravings eased. I don't know to this day how much weight I Iost (I don't have a scale), but I think it was@ 15 to 20lbs in the last 6 months - especially since I keep hearing "Wow! You lost a lot of weight! What did you do?" Recently I decided to treat myself to a hot chocolate for completing my website. Sorta enjoyed it and then felt sick. I'm in a radically different place than six months ago. 

3. Put stuff in places where they will automatically remind you: Like vitamins. Just saying this as a fact (not complaining!): I. hate. taking. pills! Yet when my doctor identified severe B-12 and iron deficiencies, it was clear that that had to change. At night I would get into bed and then go "Ungh! Forgot to take vitamins!" Zzzzzzzzz. Henry, my husband, suggested moving the vitamins and a carafe of water to my night table - because that's where I remembered to take them. They stare at me. I stare at them. I take them. I have more energy and better health. 

4. Put the change you want to see on paper: When there is something that I want to actualize or a mindset issue to be challenged, I write it down on a either a 3"x5" card or sticky note and stick it up on a board in my office. It focuses the intention. It becomes "real" on the paper and then it becomes "for real" in the physical world. It doesn't often happen in the way I plan or think it "should" but more of these positive intentions have happened than not. It's spooky but it works. 

5. The No Asshole Rule: I read the book "The No Asshole Rule - Building a Civilized Workplace and Surviving One That Isn't" by Robert Sutton because I was dealing with a difficult and negative workplace situation several years ago. I stopped having lunch in the staff room. I closed my door. I got out of unproductive staff meetings. While the ultimate solution was to leave that organization, just by realizing that I could at the very least minimize if not completely avoid contact with negative people was extremely empowering. It's a great policy and has helped to avoid some situations that would have been a complete drain on my time and energy. I'm happy to report that I'm now surrounded by colleagues who are funny, uplifting and supportive. 

These subtle changes also explain why so many people get off track with their lives. It wasn't like they decided to screw up their lives consciously - it was a series of small 1 degree decisions that charted their course to a place where they didn't want to be. It's scary to think about how easy it can be to become disconnected from what we want in life. The good news is that it's still possible to make those small changes which can chart the course to greater possibilities and happiness in life.

One crucial first step making changes is to to take inventory of the different areas of your life and from a variety of "lenses" - (time, symbols, and stories) I developed the "Personal Mythology Guide" as a series of exercises to help people gain perspective from a right-brain perspective. 

The beauty of using is images and symbols and games is that it helps to defuse the "logical" left side of the brain which can interfere with deep truths through imposing memes (false rules) or can be so judgmental and overbearing that all motivation is lost. An example of a false rule would be  "I can't have horses, I am an artist and am too poor!" Guess what - I've had horses for eight years now. An example of the judgmental side is "You are so fat! You have been pigging out and that's what you deserve." Feel the motivation to change habits drain away. Instead by visualizing what I wanted: this shape  ) (   which symbolized a slim waistline, it was easier to make positive decisions without feeling discouraged.

Sign up here to download Your Personal Mythology Guidebook. I strongly encourage you to print it out and write things down - gain inventory, and identify the subtle shifts for radical changes.

Please let me know how if goes - I would love to hear your feedback.

Also - if you want to receive a more personalized and in-depth look at using stories and visualization techniques, I will be giving three workshops at the Bodhi Center in Bainbridge (just a ferry ride from Seattle) on Sunday October 20th; Sunday, November 17 and Sunday, December 15 from 10am to 1pm. Tuition is $80 per workshop, or $200 for all three workshops together (a $40 discount). You can choose to attend any combination of workshops, but it's best to attend all three to get the most benefit. Space is limited, so call or email to reserve your spot and "Journal of Journey" that accompanies the workshop.

Happy trails!

-Melissa

5 Myths About the Skills Center & Register! Best. School Year. Ever.

Ember by Robert Simpson, Skills Center and Port Angeles High School Student

I also included an info sheet that Ron Craig, the director of the North Olympic Peninsula Skills Center and I put together called the "5 Myths About The Skills Center." Scroll down for the article...

REGISTER. BEST. SCHOOL YEAR. EVER!

Here are some fun things that I'm lining up for the school year.

• Special Event planning - the tentative theme for this year is "Steam Punk Halloween"
• Professional Artist studio visits - starting with Jackson Smart - muralist and sign painter
• 2 or more field trips a month - either to view art galleries or to draw/paint outside - including Port Townsend, Sequim, Joyce, Neah Bay etc.
• Mini-mural painting with guidance from Jackson Smart - a professional sign and mural painter.
• Learning Adobe Creative Suite Photoshop Pro version curriculum
• Airbrush Mastery - beyond the basic stencil
• Drawing and painting people
• Light up your panting with light effects
• Your website or your life!
• Putting on your own show at the Skills Center
• Port Angeles Arts Council special event
• Superstar! Promotion and Media outreach

Last year Akamai Art, and the community donated about $2,000 worth of supplies - in addition to Perkins Funds of about $1500 and our annual budget of $1,000 for a total of $4,500 which means that we have materials that are... AWESOME!!!! New digital cameras, airbrushes, and paints - oh my!

All of the students who showed work at our spring 2013 student art show "Spring Loaded" sold work. Some sold more than one piece and others also were commissioned by the pubic to create original works of art. All that marketing that we did paid off - literally! And a shout out to the students from the 2013 Summer School for accomplishing the B.H.A.G. (Big Hairy Audacious Goal) of producing a professional quality comic book in three weeks - 77 pages of wild imagination.

You can register for classes either by stopping by the Skills Center (905 West 9th Street, Port Angeles WA 98363 (360) 565-1533 http://www.nopsc.org/)  and filling out the form, or through your high school counselor. Classes start Tuesday Sept 3rd, but registration is open through Sept 11th. 

Multi-Faced by Josh Watson, Skills Center student

What's great is that no matter what career path you choose - you will know how to communicate what you have to offer in a way that doesn't feel like being an "icky salesman." This can be applied to job interviews and being a leader in the workplace. Best of all - it means learning how to work with people in a way that is fun and builds organizations. Helps you to be the MVP of your company or the CEO of your own empire.

These last few weeks I've been reflecting and putting together new material for the school year. What worked? What didn't work? What could be improved? Should this be scrapped? Should that be added? How does a student know that they are making progress? How do I know? These are all questions that are revisited not only at the beginning, but continuously throughout the school year. It's how you get better. It's how anything is improved.

In education, there's this focus on "Get the paper/project/test done. Get a grade (hopefully a good one) and move on." I remember thinking as a student "Oh, I will be so happy to be done with this American History class. I will never have to deal with it again!" Ummmmmm. Guess what? If you are an American citizen - you are never done with American history. Because you are a part of it in the making."

As a student artist, I would think very differently. "I'm getting more accurate with drawing faces - and that picture of my sister looking serious really looks like her. How can I get a drawing or painting that really captures how she smiles without her looking scary?" I was never done. It was all about getting better. This is how things work in the real world.

Those of you who have taken my classes before know about how I incorporate a "Mindset" piece into the curriculum. Mindset is everything. With it you can accomplish anything. Without it, nothing can be accomplished. While letting go of the freedom of summer is difficult - there is something to embracing the change of seasons, and starting a new school year. 

Lighthouse by Emilee Spoon - Skills Center and Port Angeles High School Student

"People would not be so impressed if they knew how hard I work."

-Michaelangelo

In sports, many people believe great athletes are "just born" or are "naturals." This is not true for most of them. It's the mindset and working towards improving skills that gets them to the high levels of performance. Michael Jordan was cut from his high school varsity team, not recruited by his choice of college and passed over by two teams that could have had him for the draft pick. But he worked harder than his coaches had ever seen an athlete work - and became considered one of the greatest basketball players ever. This is true for art and any other skill or subject. 

Cosmic Relief by Chaz Stephens - Skills Center Student

Here's a video about Michael Jordan and his mindset
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9n0w7F5hGYM

Instead of berating yourself for something that you didn't do well (I suck at __________! or I wish I hadn't done____________.) - can you look at it more from the perspective of where you can grow. (I can improve _____________. Next time, I can try doing ___________________ instead.)

What was something that you did last year that turned out great? Could you do something like it, but even better?

Is there a habit that isn't really working for you any more? Can you let it go or replace it with a better habit?

May you have the BEST. SCHOOL YEAR. EVER!

-Melissa


Melissa Klein
me.lissa@melissaklein.com    360.809.0083    PO Box 2272 Sequim WA 98382

PS - Please help out by passing on the word about the Commercial Art class and other Skills Center classes - let your friends know! Feel free to forward this email or give them my contact info. Many classes have openings, and if there is not enough enrollment, then the class gets cancelled (which would suck). Thanks so much!

5 MYTHS ABOUT THE SKILLS CENTER

Hi Everyone,

As an artist, I deal with myths and how they can reveal great truths. But there are truthful myths and there are false myths. The importance is knowing the difference.

While many of you know me more as a professional artist - I also teach at the North Olympic Peninsula Skills Center in Port Angeles. Last year, I started a Commercial Art program at the Skills Center and over the course of the year I have gotten to know the other instructors in a wide range of fields - from auto collision to culinary to video production. They share a passion for their subjects, the students and a deep knowledge of their industries. Our facilities are state of the art, but in talking to people in the community - it is clear there are a many misconceptions about the Skills Center. 

Many people are frustrated by the education system. I've been frustrated by the education system - both as a student and as a teacher. Ghandi says "Be the change you want to see." For me, the Skills Center is the change I want to see. My only regret is that I didn't have an opportunity to take classes like these, it would have saved so much time, effort, and struggle. 

Ron Craig, our new director, created an information sheet I want to share with you to clear up some of these myths. We want a dialogue with the community about what we offer. 

Registration is still open - and it's not too late to enroll. It's a great opportunity for students who have completed 8th grade and are under 21. It's open to home school students and to people who are no longer in high school who meet the age requirements. 

Scroll down for more information about my class this year

Dragons in the Mist by Josh Watson - Skills Center & Lincoln Student

5 MYTHS ABOUT THE SKILLS CENTER
     
“The Skills Center Is Not Academic”

• Skills Center Students can earn Core Credit or College Credit while taking Technical Classes.
• Skills Center Students often work and study side-by-side with Peninsula College Students.
• Many people with college degrees go back to school for training at Technical Colleges similar to the Skills Center.  Why not get those skills in High School?

           

“There Are No Good Jobs For Skills Center Graduates”

• Our courses lead to industry certification.
• ·Many of our graduates go on to successful careers: International Chef, Composites Technician at ACTI, Composites Technician at Westport, CNA in Medical Clinics, IT Technician, Auto Body repair, Auto Body Painting, and many more.            

“Skills Center Classes Are Expensive”·      

• All classes are free with the exception of Cosmetology (fee to purchase your professional kit, which
• you keep.)
• Bus Passes are available for students who qualify. Inquire at the office or with the instructor.
• Free Tech Prep college classes (High School classes where you can earn college credits which means that you pay less for your college education)
• No College Loans to repay.

“I Don’t Have Time For Skills Center Classes”

• 3 time slots available: Morning, afternoon, and evening.
• Some classes offer part-time and independent study options
• Online learning options

      

“Education Is Out Of Touch With The Real World”

• All instructors have industry experience.  In order to become a Career and Technical Education Instructor, teachers have to prove that they have the real-world experience.
• Every Skills Center instructor has a committee of industry professionals giving them advice.
• The Skills Center provides hands on experience with industry tools. For example, Composites Technology offers a technology lab, CNC Router, composites baking oven, and an updated computer lab.

 

Can you afford to not do this?

 


From right: Rachel Catterson, Jeanette Dewey, Abigail Nicholls, Brandon Fudally

Ninja by Destiny Walters-Spencer - Skills Center and Port Angeles High School Student

Primal Scream! Commercial Art Class & Ka-Pow Comic

Lighten a Heavy Mood... Primal Scream!

Hi Everyone,

It's been a fabulous summer filled with art, horse training and camping. The series that I did for the library connecting art and literature was really well received - and there were plenty of great supplies left over that I hope they will use in the future. One thing that was great about it was the investment the Friends of the Library made in getting quality supplies - crow quill pens, colored inks and real manga paper. Here's a link to one of the presentations I did about heroes - thought it might suit you at this time of year as you are gearing up for school. If you were at the library - thanks! And please let them know if you would like to have more classes like it.

History of Illustration, Heroes & Techniques
http://prezi.com/_yml_zc3njmx/?utm_campaign=share&utm_medium=copy&rc=ex0share



Primal Scream
And... If you are bumming that summer is almost over... there is a solution: Primal Scream! Here's an inspirational video of little to no instructional value: Animals Screaming! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1LTxZ2aNytc

Ka-Pow
My apologies - some of the people from my summer class didn't receive the student comic "Ka-Pow" - seems like I had a hard time entering in the email addresses - and if it's not perfect, it doesn't work. Please feel free to pass it along to your classmates or friends, or have them email me at me.lissa@MelissaKlein.com and I will send it to them again. I don't want anyone to be left out. Thank you so much for choosing to take this the class - and next year, I am planning on calling it something much cooler than "Artist Entrepreneur Boot Camp" -(yeeech!) I'm open to any and all suggestions - please. Who says that high school students can't achieve? You accomplished the B.H.A.G. of a 117 page comic book with professional quality in 3 weeks and....had fun in the process. Scroll to the bottom for download links.

Cooking up mural plans with Jackson Smart
I ran into Jackson Smart, who is on my board for Commercial Art - he's a professional sign and mural painter who gives me advice about what to do with the program. He's agreed to have the class tour his studio - and we are cooking up plans for mural painting as well as for student shows. Last year, all of my students sold work at their first show - and a couple of them also were commissioned to create additional paintings by the public.

Here's an article about Jackson:  http://www.peninsuladailynews.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=2010310189992


I'm looking forward to this next year of teaching Commercial Art! So while the end of summer is bittersweet - I'm happy to be embracing fall.

Best Wishes,


Melissa Klein
me.lissa@melissaklein.com    360.809.0083    PO Box 2272 Sequim WA 98382

PS - and if you are still down about the end of summer - and if the Primal Scream doesn't work, then try twerking! I'm talking especially to Team Bootylucious! 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1LTxZ2aNytc

PS - Click below for your pdf of Ka-Pow! It's a huge file - so if possible, use high-speed internet and you will need around 450MB of space. To make downloading easier - you have 2 options: the "big one" - with all of the pages or to download pages 1-58 and then another section of pages 59-118 in order to keep the file sizes smaller.

Ka-Pow Pages 1-58
https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/3254631/1-58%20KaPow%20Com%20Art%20Comics%20Summer%202013.pdf

Ka-Pow Pages 59-118
https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/3254631/59-118%20KaPow%20Com%20Art%20Comics%20Summer%202013.pdf

Ka-Pow Pages 1-118
https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/3254631/1-117%20KaPow%20Com%20Art%20Comics%20Summer%202013.pdf

Dragons, B-HAGS & Ropes - Oh My!!!

"Dragons, B-HAGS & Ropes - Oh My!!!"

"Golden Wish Dragon" by Melissa Klein

There is a tale of a Tibetan monk who was followed by a dragon wherever he went. This dragon tormented him and made his life a living hell. The monk tried moving to many different places, but always after a day or two, the dragon would appear and torment him. Finally, the monk said to the dragon "Open your mouth." The dragon opened his mouth. The monk went in. The dragon disappeared.

"A Good Mother - April & Hawthorne" by Melissa Klein

About 8 years ago, we adopted a pregnant, Percheron (draft) rescue horse from the pharmaceutical industry - that was a tipping point for many positive changes. About six weeks after we adopted April, (full name "April Hester Prynne - after the lady in "The Scarlet Letter" by Nathaniel Hawthorne) she gave birth to Hawthorne. Even at birth, he was never small. And then he got bigger… 

 
"Hawthorne at the Awkward Age" by Melissa Klein

and bigger…. And…


"Hawthorne & Melissa" by Henry Paterson

I've been working on training Hawthorne - who is now considered a teenager in draft horse years. He tips the scale at about 1800+ pounds and his back is higher than my head. Training April was challenging, but she's a really easy horse for me - we think alike and when not certain, slowing down and petting works wonders. She's turned out to be a great trail horse - solid,  sensible and willing. Hawthorne - needs play, creativity, games, reverse psychology, and fun - which can be hard to deliver when I'm feeling unconfident.

"Hawthorne Sticks Out His Tongue" by Melissa Klein

"This dragon tormented him and made his life a living hell."

Hawthorne… has developed some bad habits due in part to my inexperience and in part to an inconsistent training schedule. And any bad habits he has - are my responsibility to work out. No former owner or past trauma to blame here… No finger pointing. One of those bad habits is if he gets bored during ground work, or if I push him too much, he just turns and bolts. It sucks! I try to stop him by jerking the rope, or if I can think quickly enough, have him turn around or do something different. But there's this moment where he turns, his massive butt bunching up and then he springs away like a runaway freight train and I am helpless to stop him. I've tried and have the rope burns and blisters to prove it. 

"The monk tried moving to many different places, but always after a day or two, the dragon would appear and torment him."

I've been working hard on this for the last nine months - and while there are a few days here and there that are missed - overall I am so much more consistent. He is more respectful - and has a better attitude and is willing to do much more. It happens less frequently, but there are still those times, where he turns and bolts. It happens usually just when I feel like we are "making real progress" and maybe ready take him off the property and out on a trail in the next week. Hopes dashed. Back to square one. Two steps forward, three steps back. And it sucks! Because until this problem is fixed, there is no way I would take him outside a fenced in area - the idea of him running into the street or over some hapless bystander is terrifying. 

"Finally, the monk said to the dragon "Open your mouth." The dragon opened his mouth. The monk went in. The dragon disappeared."

I had an "A-hah" moment. Train him to come to me when I let go of the rope. Let go of the rope on purpose. Give him lots of rewards, scratches and praise for doing so. Instead of the reward for him being when he gets to run away from me;  make the reward be to come to me. Try it at the walk, the trot and the cantor. Try it in the round pen, and then in the larger field. Try it on a 12' foot, 20' and 40' rope. 

Something shifted in doing this. It took only minutes to train him to do this. And while I haven't quite tested it thoroughly enough to take him off outside a fenced area - it seems to be working - at least on a 20' rope on an acre pasture. He comes more quickly to me now, even when he's at liberty. He seems more positive. I'm feeling good enough about the groundwork, to start riding regularily.

"Bright Star - Hawthorne" by Melissa Klein

For me, to go into the dragon's mouth was to let go of the rope. This made what I had wanted all along to happen - to have my horse want to stay with me. It enabled having more control through letting go.

In "Switch - How to Change When Change is Hard" by Chip and Dan Heath, one of the things that can galvanize people is something called a "B.H.A.G." which stands for "Big, Hairy, Audacious, Goal." Hawthorne is my B.H.A.G. - do groundwork without having him bolt away, ride him at the walk, trot and canter with confidence. Ride on trails with streams, bridges and through rough terrain. 

"Hawthorne the Big B-HAG" by Melissa Klein

What's your B.H.A.G.? What rope do you need to let go of?

 Please email me at me.lissa@melissaklein.com

Best,

-Melissa

Telling Your Story

Feature Article:

TELLING YOUR STORY

Ever had a situation where you felt un-heard and not respected? Ever challenged the status-quo and found yourself unpopular? Ever felt stuck in a self-limiting belief or felt overwhelmed with fear? Scroll down for some techniques to be heard, deal with fear and achieve your best result. 

Everyone needs a chance to tell their story. 

- Sam Keen "To a Dancing God"

So…. What's your story? 

We all want to be heard and we all want to speak in a way that others will listen. Many of the frustrations in life are a result of not being heard: a boss, a spouse, a child, a co-worker that "won't listen." 

I used to work for a woman who no matter how I tried to communicate that I wasn't happy with my job description - just didn't get it. She would give lip service or would simply try to "steam-roll" me into doing things that were incongruent with the direction that I wanted to go and my talents.

Ironically, I had a vision of being of greater service - but in a different way. She needed to plug in holes in the staffing and saw me as someone who was versatile, hard-working and who could be exploited. While there was a basic disagreement about what was needed for the organization - the worst part was feeling like my words were falling on deaf ears. We had different stories.

Does this story sound familiar? While the details are going to be different from experience to experience or from person to person - it's a familiar lament.

Is this the story that you want to be?

When I was going through this, my thinking brain was saying things like "Poor little me. A victim of a cruel boss." and "I'm going to starve!" "I won't be able to pay my bills and we will have to give up the horses and the house!" "I'm being difficult! I'm being a bitch! Why can't I just go along with her plan and be a nice girl?" 

Can you hear the victim story in this? Or the bitch? Stand up for yourself and have everyone hate you vs. be a doormat and be liked.

All through this, I was painting, creating some of my strongest work. Through the painting and using images, I was able to access messages from my unconscious about what was going on. And the messages I got from this process were very different. When I was creating this painting I was actually in a really bad funk that day - and was somewhat puzzled to have such a happy image come out of me.

And then there was the "A-hah!" - The dragon is a symbol that I've been drawing since childhood. And I realized that what was happening was the dragon was breaking out of it's shell, which is a hard process - but necessary. 

If a well-meaning person was tries to "help" a chick break out of the shell, by peeling the shell away, then the chick will die. The chick needs to develop their muscles by going through the process of struggling through the shell. Breaking out of the shell is a difficult and uncomfortable process - but it's necessary for growth. The larger dragon behind the baby dragon could either be read as a supportive powerful mother figure or as the baby dragon all grown up. Either way - a positive thing. The painting is called "Naissance" which means birth.

This painting helped me to not give up. This story helped me to hang in there. 

I kept talking and sending emails and phone calls and questioning the status-quo until - finally - I was heard! A higher-up in the organization read my proposal about what I wanted to do and I was offered a much, much better position working with people who understood my vision. 

Without the paintings - I don't know if I could have done it. Images helped to change the story from being a victim to seeing growth and accepting the uncomfortableness of change. That acceptance lead to being on a path of growth and to break out of those old paradigms and see them as shells that needed to discarded.

We all need to tell our story, we all want to be heard, but…. the most important audience for your story is YOU! 

When confronted with a difficult situation: 

• Ask yourself if this is the story that you want to be?

• Notice what images you feel attracted so - and what they might be telling you.

• Record your dreams, and if they are disturbing - look to what the symbols might mean - i.e. snakes not a bad thing - they mean power and healing.

• Pay attention to your language - does it sound whiney or point fingers? What would it take to rephrase some of those sentences to be coming from a place of strength? Write it down and practice it.

• Write your own happy ending. Hold onto it. Enlist positive friends to help you visualize it.

Thanks for reading!

-Melissa

PS - I'd love to hear any thoughts or insights you have around telling your story. Send me an email at me.lissa@melissaklein.com

me.lissa@melissaklein.com    360.809.0083    PO Box 2272 Sequim WA 98382  melissaklein.com